When did THAT happen?

...this just in, I am getting old.

I realized this while watching my three children wash our two cars this weekend.  They are 16, 14, and 13.  And when I looked on them spraying each other with the hose, it dawned on me that I am older than I feel.

Feeling that way, one would guess that is a good thing.  I on the other hand look at my two boys and wonder if I have been raising them correctly.  My daughter does not worry me that much, my wife has been doing a fantastic job in raising her to be a confident young woman.  However, the task of raising Godly young men falls directly on me.  Sure I have a great example that I can follow, but I know I do not do what I am supposed to do all the time.

Let's face facts, I am an extremely flawed person.  How do I know this?  I see myself in the mirror every morning and see a face of that person with baggage staring right back at me.  I tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over, and only by Grace does the cycle eventually end.

And what's worse is, I find myself questioning if I am using the right kind of (for the lack of a better term) tactics to raise my boys to be the Godly men that they should be.  Not what I think they should be, or what the world thinks they should be, but God's standard on what they should be.

My boys are a short time away from becoming men, this kind of stuff makes me lay awake at night and stare at the ceiling.

And while I am laying there, I take a hard look at my life and what I have done in my past and what was done to me and I pray that I am trusting in God to not repeat the mistakes I have made.

Trust me, the list of my mistakes is long and I realize I am not supposed to dwell on them.  For once I asked for forgiveness and repented, God forgives and forgets my past sins and transgressions.  But that old and dead man rises up and reminds me that I am doing a lousy job in raising my kids, and that gives me pause.

These last years with my children growing into teenagers has been a wonderful, eye opening experience and I would not trade it in for anything.

And at the same time, I feel anxiety in the fact that my time with these blessings is drawing closer and closer.  And it seems that I have not taught them everything, I believe that I should...